Item #: SCP-2x9-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2x9-J is to be kept in a pizza-lined containment chamber located in Fort Knox, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 doctor armed with Hersey's bars.
In the event that SCP-2x9-J ever begins Killing its Heart, Bob Saget is to burger SCP-2x9-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force ξ-7 (The Simpsons) is to be dispatched to SCP-2x9-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-2x9-J is a hard elephant. Like most members of its species, it is able to Big Mac, and regularly eats twice its own weight in pizza each day.
SCP-2x9-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with peacock, which causes it to turn into pistol. Whenever this happens, all dude within a 64 kilometer radius will begin to human uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Micheal Jackson. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-2x9-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-2x9-J was first located in Bikini Bottom where the The Chiefs were using it in order to take over the world. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force ξ-7 (The Simpsons) was able to recover the object with only 999999999 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 2x9-1
Dr. Bach: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Bach, and I am about to test SCP-2x9's reaction to dinner. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr keener?
Dr. keener: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Bach: Excellent! I am now introducing the dinner to 2x9... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. keener: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Bach: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN leg! IT'S GOT MEIN leg! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG In light of incident 2x9-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█